Surviving family fatigue these holidays!
“The way you spend Christmas is far more important than how much”
UNCERTAINTY // It’s the most wonderful time of the year!?
Christmas time is a happy and harmonious time, right? Well, for some perhaps. But for many, it can be a really tough time, and the festive season may not feel so festive after all. We know that family tensions, money troubles, relationship issues etc can all commonly be exacerbated at this time of year. And the expectations and promise of a bright and cheery Christmas, often miserably unfulfilled, can easily give way to feelings of disappointment, emptiness and sadness.
So what happens when we add a pandemic, and more specifically the Omicron variant into this already precarious mix? Well, we can easily see why our stress levels might be more heightened at the moment. Did you know that sitting with uncertainty is incredibly anxiety provoking? And when you stop for a moment to think about the last couple of years – it’s been uncertainty, uncertainty and more uncertainty. One big global melting pot of anxiety! Anxiety about Covid- 19. About vaccines. About lockdowns. About re-entry. About living with Covid. About Delta. About Omicron… so much uncertainty…and it goes on and on.
Professor Steven Taylor, from the University of British Columbia, and author of “The Psychology of Pandemics” talks about the “burden of accumulated adversity” and recently noted that “the more stress you pile upon people, the greater the risk of developing psychological problems. And on top of this, we’re all still coping with our usual day-to-day/ life stressors! Is it any wonder that a lot of us are feeling absolutely exhausted? As we limp towards the finishing line of 2021, the increased demands that come with the silly season coupled with the unrelenting nature of the pandemic can certainly leave our stress cups overflowing. But there are a number of strategies that we can employ to help protect our wellbeing during this time.
This photo of me was taken in one of my all time favourite Christmas shops (or caves!) in Princetown, Cape Cod. It reminds me of the spirit of Christmas, the importance of rituals and that magic really is all around us.
So how can we help to reduce our stress levels over the festive season this year? First, ask yourself: What are my expectations? It’s really important, to try to keep our expectations in check. Are they realistic? Are they perhaps a romanticised image of what Christmas should be? The more realistic we can be, the more we can avoid setting ourselves up for disappointment. When we set our expectations too high, reality just can’t deliver.
If you have particular family dynamics that are tricky, remind yourself that this won’t change just because it’s Christmas. In fact, in spite of everyone’s best intentions, the intensity of Christmas togetherness can often create added tension and irritability. Families who might spend little time together throughout the year may suddenly find themselves all sitting around the one table. It’s easy to see how stress levels can quickly elevate, and it often doesn’t take long for old family dynamics and patterns to re-surface.
Try to avoid any known triggers that might lead to conflict. But if emotions do erupt, try to be flexible and accept that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ Christmas (particularly in a global pandemic!) and work on making the best of the situation. Christmas can be an opportunity for us all to practice mindfulness and letting go.
Mindfulness is the art of ‘being present’ and experiencing the world in the ‘here and now’. Rather than unconsciously falling straight back into old family roles, being mindful can help us to remain aware and conscious, rather than just going into “reaction mode”. By simply being aware of what you are thinking and feeling, mindfulness can be helpful in reducing stress and tension.
One of the most important things this year, given the pandemic, is actually giving yourself space to hear your own inner, wants, needs and desires. Knowing what you feel comfortable with, and what you don’t is key. We all have our own levels of comfort with catch-ups and Covid – and there is no right or wrong when it comes to this. Each of us is entitled to our own perspective, and it’s important to not feel pressured into situations that you’re not comfortable with just because it’s Christmas. So in essence, this year it all comes down to clear communication, boundaries and taking it at your own pace.
Lastly, try to balance out Christmas hassles with desirable experiences. Research has found that when we focus on the things that we are grateful for, or on things that are uplifting to us, it makes the hassles in our lives much easier to bear.
Wishing everyone a safe, happy, healthy and hopeful remainder of 2021 and beyond.
Specs of gold
Be clear about your own wants and needs, particularly when it comes to Covid. Communicate clearly, know your boundaries and take things at your own pace.
Observe different family dynamics that might occur, but avoid being emotionally reactive.
Show compassion to yourself, and others.
Be realistic about your expectations. High expectations can lead to dissatisfaction.
Don’t buy into ‘romanticised’ images of the perfect Christmas.
If your family is experiencing tension try to bring a positive mind set to your Christmas. Expect difficult moments, but don’t let them ruin the whole day.