Grief - the gift of post traumatic growth
Throughout my years as a clinical and health psychologist, I have found that each and every one of my patients has a truly unique story. We all do. Wanting and longing, joy and triumph, pain and sorrow – none of us can escape life without these universal experiences. But I believe that our stories are the threads that weave us together, and it is through these connections, and our strength to overcome adversity that we are all truly unified.
I strongly believe that evidence-based information and wellbeing tools should be accessible to everyone. That’s why I created posii. After seeing hundreds of patients really thrive with positive psychology interventions, I began to envision a jewellery brand that made these ideas widely available – jewellery that you could touch, be empowered by, and carry with you always. I’d had the idea for a number of years, and my much-loved and supportive brother Sam had always urged me to “just give it a go”. But at the time, I don’t think I really believed it was possible.
Then in my thirties, my world came tumbling down when Sam tragically died. We were incredibly close and I was completely devastated by the loss. For many years prior to his death, Sam and I had enjoyed coffee together every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday morning. It was a ritual that we never missed. When he died, these mornings were the hardest, and his absence hauntingly raw. I chose to continue with our coffee ritual alone, and it was in this time that posii started to come to fruition. posii would bring together the field of Positive Psychology with the art-form of jewellery and would offer like minded people an opportunity to be a part of a positive community that is committed to cultivating what is best within themselves.
This photo of me in New York hailing a cab was taken not even a month after my brother had died. I look at this photo and can’t believe how “normal” I look. In reality, I was a mess. I felt completely untethered and everything was blurry for me at that time. What I’ve learnt is that grief and growth, joy and sadness, can all coexist. That navigating life after loss often involves holding space for conflicting truths. I’ve learnt that life is weird. And that’s ok. I’ve learnt that we can grow through suffering, and that life-earned wisdom is truly transcendent, but it’s not easy. Grief is a poignant reminder of life’s fragility. That time is finite. That life is ephemeral. And that anything is possible.
Grief is so universal, but at the same time incredibly unique to us all. No one has been through what you have been through. They may have experienced grief, but not in the way that you’ve experienced it. It’s deeply personal. And yet, in many ways all our pain is the same. For me, everything fundamentally changed when Sam died. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that only deep grief can bring – to re-assess everything – an existential change. Hesitations or doubts that I may have previously had suddenly became insignificant. Thus began an extraordinary journey of adventure, grief and an insatiable desire to contribute something positive to the world through posii.
The experience of losing my brother was so profoundly painful, that it was impossible to not be changed forever. What I’ve learnt is that grief and growth, joy and sadness, can all coexist. That navigating life after loss often involves holding space for conflicting truths. I’ve learnt that life is weird. And that’s ok. I’ve learnt that we can grow through suffering, and that life-earned wisdom is truly transcendent, but it’s not easy. Grief is a poignant reminder of life’s fragility. That time is finite. That life is ephemeral. And that anything is possible.